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| flickr: tears by megyarsh, found/used by teri lynne underwood |
The main place in my life where jealousy has reared it's ugly head are in my relationships. I couldn't recognize my feelings of insecurity and the loss of my sense of control. I found myself feeling fearful,acting aggresively, and being very overbearring. My actions were not very appelaing and were indicative of the feelings of helplessness that I was experiencing. Before I could make any changes I had to recognize that my actions and emotions were being fuelled by my feelings of jealousy.
Wikipedia states that, “Jealousy is a secondary emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy. Jealousy is a familiar experience in human relationships. It has been observed in infants five months and older. Some claim that jealousy is seen in every culture; however, others claim jealousy is a culture-specific phenomenon.”
I have always been afraid that the person I am in a relationship will leave me. It stems from my own insecurites and has the power to make me an irrational member of a relationship. Jealousy is an overwhelming emotion and without help it really does work against you. I would find myself trying to control who my partner spent time with and berate them with questions about other woman. When I reflect on my behaviour I can see now that I had no right to behave in that way. I was reacting in an unfair manner. The fear of losing control and having my partner leave me stemmed from within myself and coexisted with my lack of self worth and low self esteem.
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| Attribute Wall Art to Vanhercke Christiaan |
How to get over jealousy within a relationship...
1)It is important to have your own seperate interests and partake in activities that you enjoy, try a new hobby.
2) Take time for yourself. Recognize that you are your own person and don't rely on the person you are in a relationship with.
3) Try to account for the good qualities that your partner has.
4) Stop snooping, reading text messages or emails, or spying. Privacy is important.
5)Reflect on where your feelings of jealousy are coming from. Awareness is key in working on the issue. Write in a journal.
6)Start to be honest about your feelings of jealousy, talk to both a friend and your partner. Input from an outside source can be beneficial
Helpful Resources on Jealousy:
- How To Have A Great Relationship: 96 Tips For Turning A Healthy Relationship Into The Perfect Relationship
- Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures
- If This Is Love Why Do I Feel So Insecure?
This is a great post. I too suffer from that little green Jealousy monster. Obvioulsly we all feel a little jealous sometimes. In my past relationships I have never really experienced full jealousy, only small glimmers of it. However, in my last relationship I can vividly recall the points in which I was jealous. In the beginning for sure. Mainly because it is a new relationship and I had that fear of him leving me or that I wasn't good enough.
ReplyDeleteMy jealousy went away when i was reassured of my worth and everything. But towards the last 6 months of our relationship (we dated for a year and a half) he deliberately tried to make me jealous. I didn't know it at the time, but in retrospect he was for sure trying to make me feel jealous.
The point I am trying to make is that yes, jealousy spawns from within ones self, but the person you are with can also make you feel that by what they do. If your other half is making you feel secure in the relationship then you won't feel jealous over spilt milk. However, if the person is constantly trying to make you jealous on purpose then it isn't really your fault if you do feel it.
Good tips on how to avoid jealousy! I always find jealousy hits me so randomly and I have no reason to feel that way. I think that keeping a journal and letting it out is a great idea so that you don't bottle it up and hopefully can see where the jealousy stems from!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the tip that privacy is important! Snooping just causes more jealousy because you can create so many assertions of what you have read!
Fiona, that is too bad you were in a relationship with someone who made you feel jealous! I'm glad you aren't stuck in that rut anymore! I agree, the person you are with needs to make you feel secure about the relationship otherwise your jealousy will just grow!